I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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