I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
