I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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