You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
