I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
