By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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