So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
