Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
