She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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