Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
