My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
