I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
