i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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