from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
