If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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