Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
