My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
