my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
