brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
