Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
