I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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