everyone is single if you try hard enough
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
