she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
