OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
