my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
