Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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