She's JV to your varsity
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
