I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
pop tarts are not kleenex
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
