he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
