Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
