Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
