go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
