When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
