fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
