We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
