I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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