so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
