im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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