After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
