You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
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She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
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he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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