i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
