I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
