i wish starbucks made bloody marys
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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