I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
