I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
