im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize