Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize