You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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