I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony