I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.