He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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