my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability