3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
please come you make the beer taste better
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
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That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
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Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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