...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Houston, we have a squirter
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist