you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.