She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
