Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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