Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
