How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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