it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
