There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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