Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
