I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
