eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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