Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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