Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
